Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
