I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Oh god it's open bar.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
