I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Green mimosas i think yes
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
