pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
