How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
