Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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