Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
