Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
