I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
