If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Still dying that you shit outside
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I pour the whiskey from now on
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