awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
