Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
