I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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