Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
