go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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