so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
