My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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