You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
