I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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