This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I still have a little drunk in my system
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
