You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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