and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
