I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
