Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
