Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
