Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
