Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
