What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
