I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
