based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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