420 ftw
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I could fuck to npr.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
