headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize