My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
