Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
