I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
