A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
