Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
