I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Shame is for Republicans.
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