So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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