went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
