So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
