dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
we're so committed to being not committed
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
