babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
