matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
