thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
