jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
