Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
