i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
