I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
