so that wasnt chicken after all
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
