wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
